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The Parabolic Messiah will lead you, his victims to destruction and damnation. Do not be fooled by the well-stroked beards of their blasphemous armenian bishops. Beneath the tempting facade lies a greater evil than you can imagine. Turn away from the Parabollicses, and walk in the light of the Cow, and you will be saved.

This public denunciation is made on behalf of the Most Holy Order of the Giant Blue Space Cow (may she moo forever).


The heresy spoken by the followers of the false bovine will be forgiven. They need only see the beauty of the Perfect Parabola. When we The Parabolic Messiah send the Most Holy Spike, Holiest of Shapes on it's annointed journey to destroy the Pillar of Ugly Liberty, they will understand the mistake they have made. Even now, the First Armenian Bishop spreads the word in far off lands. The time will come, when all will understand the Perfection of the Parabola, and will rejoice in it's meaning.

(makes the holy sign)


To date, foreign missions to Hawai'i, Massachusetts, and most of Europe have been completed, thanks to the amazing proselytic powers granted to the Hierarchy (by, coincidentally enough, the Hierarchy).


Originally from the Encyclopedia